happy

i'm happy.

there have been times in my life that i have felt as though i was swimming underwater, and every movement was work.

but even with the school year beginning in only one week, and the pace of life picking up before it ever slowed down (it doesn't slow down unless you make it slow down)

i'm happy.

little lessons have been coming my way. like how very very different men and women are in their expectations and communication. not just my man, either.

or simple things, like how to stop eating when i'm not hungry anymore. even if the food is really really good. how to teach my brain to appreciate what i have, instead of grabbing for more.

or withdrawing spending cash and not using more than that between pay checks.

i'm happy.

my life isn't the extreme roller-coaster highs and lows that it has been in the past. but i don't miss those highs anymore, and i certainly don't miss the lows.

we sat out next to the planetarium last night, watching the city as the sun disappeared behind lake michigan. and i thought about how much i love chicago. and how much i love minnesota. and how much i love being alive. and i wondered how it is possible to love so many people and so many places at once.

i remembered my freshman orientation week, at dinner with jerry root, when he asked a missionary kid about what it was like to live between continents. he asked if it was hard to know where home was. and without much of a pause, jerry said, "Heaven is Home."

i'm happy.

because heaven is my home and heaven is in my heart. which means that i am always home.

and because i have found that it is less and less difficult to talk to people about heaven, or about Jesus. it feels less like a command and more like an extension of who i am.

at membership class at church i looked around and realized that these are the people that are becoming my family. and i've been seeking out that family to guide me and to help me grow.

i'm happy.

i have a job that is recession proof, and i am getting to learn about physics in my classes, and about the universe and the worlds beyond worlds beyond worlds that exist in any direction i can lift my head toward.

my students are excited to be in my room. a room that may even have a smart board this year! im getting over my fear of being seen and noticed. and getting over my perfectionism. so that i can just love my job and love doing my job, without all the strings.

i'm happy.

to be invited to the coming of age ceremony of a dear friend from the youth group. honored to be asked to stand beside her and share the secrets and pain and joy of being a woman. blessed to be in a community that treasures those mysteries.

i'm happy.

with lily, snuggled always beside me. loving me without condition and reminding me of just how rare and precious unconditional love can be.

i'm happy.